a christian group, concerned about the moral breakdown in american society, is pushing for a ban on the book of genesis.
a spokesperson for people involved in saving, securing, and defending the old-fashioned family (p.i.s.s.d.o.f.f.), says that decent citizens have come together to protest that enough is enough, that our culture cannot go on promoting materials like genesis to our children.
jonathan fussminder, a parent and activist for the group said, "this book [genesis] is a classic case of the devil's bait and switch. it opens with an outstanding scientific depiction of how god created the universe, but then you turn the page and you have two people running around naked in a garden. that's satan's way. he draws you in with something that sounds good, and pretty soon, he has you looking at pornography. "they were naked and not ashamed" is the way the author puts it, and that's all you need to know about this book. i wouldn't want my boys reading that for anything."
when asked if that passage was the only one to which he and the other members of p.i.s.s.d.o.f.f. objected, fussminder rolled his eyes and said, "oh my, no. genesis is filled with r-rated material at best. you've got violent killings, parents having sex with their own children, men giving their wives away to harems to save their own skin, lies, deceit, polygamy, child-slavery, seduction, and so many explicit sexual scenes and references that i'm embarrassed to even talk about them."
when this reporter asked about the fact that some people consider genesis to be "god's word," fussminder became animated. "god's word? god's word? that just shows how far into decadence we've fallen. can you imagine a good and holy god inspiring a book like this? can you imagine god asking parents to tell these stories to their children? they'd be warped for life!
"no, this most certainly is NOT god's word. how it got into the bible we don't know, but the fact that it is in there may point to one of the most insidious acts in history. we are pushing hard for publishers to delete genesis from future bibles, and we also say that if genesis got snuck in there, who knows what might be in some of the other books? as we speak, p.i.s.s.d.o.f.f. has teams of investigators reading the other books in the bible so that we can root out this kind of immoral and corrupting material. just recently, i heard rumors that the very next book, exodus, may contain scenes of infanticide, murder, nightmarish and gory plagues straight from the latest horror movies, idol-worship, immoral partying, and more sexual perversion."
so it's possible that your work will not end with genesis? fussminder was asked.
"no way," he replied. "we're p.i.s.s.d.o.f.f., and we are here to protect the children of america from harmful influences. we won't stop until we've cleaned it all up, from genesis to revelation."
today's van gogh
the schoolboy (camille roulin), 1888
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Is this real, or your own parody? It almost sounds like something you'd read on theonion.com.
ReplyDeleteFussminder was in good company. Socrates, according to Plato, wanted to edit Homer for the same reasons.
ReplyDeleteNot to give Fussminder any stature that he doesn't deserve . . .
andrea, think i might have a chance of writing for the onion someday? thanks for the compliment.
ReplyDeleteby the way, for an onion-like take on the christian subculture, i recommend larknews.
Oh skip the onion, you should just write a book! :)
ReplyDeleteBut I guess I still want to know then, if it's satire (not parody, DUH :) ), what is it based on? Am I missing something in the news (which I admittedly don't always keep up on)?
Sounds pharasaaical to me. Sounds like me when I try to criticize a movie that the world makes. What do I expect from the world anyway? Instead, I need to pray for the salvation of those acting, directing, etc. They (and we as believers in our own strength) can't produce righteousness, only God can. God's grace extends salvation and sanctification to His enemies, those without hope, the powerless, the ungodly (Romans 5:6-11). He chose family members that were dysfunctional and gave us a new life through the power of His Holy Spirit. It's through obeying the Spirit that HIS righteousness is made manifest. The Old Testament stories used to scare me, too, as a homeschool mom, but through prayer, trusting the Lord, and skipping some parts until the kids were older, thankfully that has been overcome. Genesis and Exodus (and all of scripture) should not be tampered with. God's Word gives clear warning about the dangers of doing that (Rev. 22:18,19; Psalm 119:160; etc.)
ReplyDeleteBe careful, Chaplain Mike, lest you find somebody taking this and starting "p.s.s.d.o.f.f." FOR REAL.
ReplyDeleteIn an age of Extremism where everybody pushes the envelope until it tears, you can't really do parody. As off-the-wall crazy as you get when being funny (as per the above), there WILL be someone (some True Believer) twice as far off-the-wall in the same direction and DEAD SERIOUS.
After the one radio preacher in the Eighties who PROVED FROM SCRIPTURE that ASLAN *IS* THE ANTICHRIST and that C.S.Lewis HAD to be Demon-Possessed, I just gave up on exaggeration for comedic effect.